A New Me

I just realized today that I have been working out at Shapes for almost a year. I can't believe that it has been that long. Whenever I tried to workout in past years, I would always quit after a few weeks. I have been consistently going at least 3 days a week since January 14, 2008. It is funny, when I miss more than one day, I feel like I am dragging.

I have lost over 100 pounds in the last year and have dropped 7 or 8 sizes in clothing. I am so proud of myself for sticking to it even when I felt like I wanted to die! Sometimes it is so hard to get up and go to the gym. I have to talk myself into.

I remember when I first started going to Shapes. I did a few water classes and tried to do the machines. After about a week, I was only doing water classes. The machines intimidated me too much. For a while, I did more than one water aerobics class a day. Friends convinced me to try the machines again. So now I try to get in the water on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays and the machines on Wednesdays. I alternate Thursdays.

Well the alarm has just gone off. I would really like to turn over and go back to sleep. But I guess I better get up and let them kick my butt again! Do you feel sorry for me?

A Letter For Allison

I wanted to write a letter to you on the occasion of your 20th birthday. Sweetie, the day that the plane landed in Detroit from Seoul, Korea and they put you in my arms, was one of the greatest days of my life. I will always remember the feeling of overwhelming love and joy that filled my heart as I looked down at you for the first time. All I could do was hold you close to my heart while the tears dropped on your beautiful face.

Do you know that you were a answer to our prayers? We had prayed for God to bless us with children and we hoped for a daughter. But God gave us the best daughter in the world! Ryan, as a two-year old wanted to send you back, but we were not going to let you go anywhere. I know that we argue sometimes (which is normal for Moms and daughters), but we have never regretted the day you came into our family.

You complete our family. I hope you know how much we loved you then and how much more we love you now. Your birth mother knew that she could not give you the life that you deserved. We appreciate that her love for you allowed us to be able to adopt you. Adoption is a wonderful reflection of love on both sides. Without it, we would never have known the joy that we have had with you and your brother.

As you prepare to spread your wings soon, I want you to know that you are my angel from heaven. I love you and am so proud of you. Remember that we will be here if you need us always.

Love, Mom and Dad

LOVE

Twenty-two years ago this month, our son, Ryan was born and twenty years ago this month, our daughter, Allison was born. They were born in Seoul, Korea. Ryan was born in a hospital and Allison was born in a home for unwed mothers.

Seven hours after Ryan was born his birth mother left him there. I believe she had a purpose in doing this. She loved him so much that she wanted something better for him, a home with two loving parents. I am sure she knew that if she left him there he would be put up for adoption, probably with an American family. It was very unusual for a child in Korea to even be born in a hospital. He was immediately put in an orphanage while awaiting adoption.

Allison, on the other hand, was born to a young woman who wanted to go to college. She must have loved her child so much because she asked her parents if they would care for her child so that she would have a loving home. They felt that they could not. This is a normal occurence in Korea. Most Korean people do not take responsibility for the children born out of wedlock and many of them are abandoned. After her birth, Allison was put in a foster home in Seoul.

We had prayed for children even before we were married. We had so much love for each other and we had an abundance of love to give to children. I knew that it was almost impossible for me to get pregnant, but I had to go through a grieving process before I could accept the fact that we would not have any biological children. God and my family helped me to come to terms with the loss and move on. God had so much love for us and for Ryan and Allison that he picked us to be together long before they were even born. And we knew even before we saw their pictures that they were born for us.

They are "my angels" sent from a loving Father. They filled my heart and my empty arms with love and joy. I did not know that it was possible to have so much love for two little tiny persons. I love that saying "You may not have grown under my heart, but you grew in my heart". It is so true! I thank God everyday for making us a family.

On this night before our Savior's birth, I feel God's amazing love more than any other night of the year. I look at my family and marvel at how much love He has for all of us and us for each other! On this holiest of nights, I pray that we will find Jesus in the stillness and peace of the manger, but also in our hearts!

Merry Christmas!

New Life and an Empty Nest

Today is my son's 22nd birthday. Wow where has the time gone. It just seems like yesterday that he was running around from morning till night playing hockey, basketball and whatever else he could with his friends down the street.

But it got me thinking today about how his life has changed so much in the last year and how much it is going to change. A little over a year ago, we moved Ryan into his apartment a week before classes started at Full Sail Univeristy in Orlando. I thought that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I wanted him to be independent, but I wanted him to need me too. Now he has graduated from college and is living back at home. I have to keep telling myself that it is just temporary. When he finds a job it will probably be out of state.

I have been reading the new Chicken Soup for the Soul book about Empty Nesters. I am not quite there, but will be soon. I think Empty Nest has such a lonely sound to it. I prefer to call it a "nest with more room". I guess as mothers we all wonder whether we will be able to handle our children moving away. But it is just a new phase in our lives that we adjust to and hopefully, learn to enjoy. We raise our children to be independent, but then want to turn the clock back and start over. Now I know how my Mom felt when I moved away.

Well as Ryan celebrates another birthday today and Allison will be 20 after Christmas I guess I better start getting used to the idea of a "nest with more room". I wonder if I can get away with making plans to use his room for me. I guess I am not ready to make any changes anyway.

Do you think they will still need their "old" Mom? Please God be with Ryan and Allison as they spread their wings to fly just as you intended. And I pray that they take You with them! And, maybe, a part of me too?

Life Is To Be Enjoyed

I have a friend who just found out she has terminal cancer. My first reaction was anger that this would happen to her and I wanted to cry. But she is handling it so well. She says she has turned it over to God and is appreciating each day as it comes. She is making the most of the time she has left. One doctor told her she has 6 months to live and another said he doesn't know how long. She is not letting this bother her. She is so positive! She amazes me!

I guess we don't know how we would react in this kind of situation until it happens to us. I am not sure that I could laugh and joke like she does. But I would hope that I would not moan, complain and whine about it. I believe my faith is strong enough to endure even that kind of a hardship. We are all dying, we just don't know when. Putting my faith in God to take care of me and my family and to help me through the situation would not be easy. But it would be the first thing I would think of, I hope.

I am going to be there as much as she needs me. I am happy to say her family is all coming from out-of-state to be here too. God willing we will have many more months with her. But if not, I pray that God's angels will take her home to be with Him before she has to endure too much pain.

May God bless us all in 2009!

Enjoy Christmas

Every year I look forward to the season of Advent. I just found out it means a time of waiting. We are waiting for the birth of our Savior. I love the holiday decorations, the music playing everywhere, and the cold nip in the air. I really enjoy the Advent songs that we sing in church.

This year I think many are going to find it hard to find the Christmas Spirit. People are worried about money, jobs, their houses and families. I find myself thinking of those things too. How do we forget all of that and concentrate on what Christmas is all about? I am not sure.

I am going to pray that the Holy Spirit will fill me with the love, joy and peace of the season. I am going to take time to enjoy the lights, songs and weather. I am going to try smiling more, listening more, loving more and helping others more.

The greatest night of the year for me is Christmas Eve. Our candlelight services are so special. The sanctuary is beautiful and there is always a sense of expectancy for me. I enjoy the weeks preceding, but nothing can top the birth of Jesus. After all he was born and died to save me. What a gift!

I wish you all a safe and happy holiday season and Faith, Hope, Joy, Peace and Love!

Thanksgiving

This week is going to be very busy and probably, stressful. We have family coming in from out of state and our son is graduating from college. But I was thinking about the meaning of "giving thanks" today. I believe we need to give thanks every day. I guess putting aside the worries and complications of every day life and remembering why we were created is the importance of Thanksgiving. But if we could remember to do that each day, I think some of us would not find it so hard to list our blessings.

Family is so important to me. I enjoy having my family around and I thank God for each and every one of them. This graduation is an important one because a year and half ago, we did not know if Ryan would graduate at all. But God knew and He was there to help him achieve the highest grades he has ever gotten. And He will be there to help him through the rest of his life. So I guess I don't need to stress because this will be a great week!

It's a new day

It is funny how 24 hours can make a difference. Yesterday I was feeling a little blue. Today things look a lot brighter. My son came home for a visit today. He graduates from college next week. A year ago his grades were not very good and we did not think he would graduate at all. But for the last 13 months, he has attended a school in Orlando with a major in Show Production. He has achieved A's and B's and really enjoyed his time there. Now it is time to find a job!

My prayer for all graduating students is that the job market will improve so these young people will have an easier time finding a job. I know that people are losing their jobs every day. It is such a shame. I pray that the economy starts looking better soon for all our sakes.

I want to wish everyone a joyous Thanksgiving. I have been blessed by the Lord above. I will be thanking him for all of my blessings this year.

Blogging

I am new to blogging. I was a little unsure of what to say, but I guess it is a little like having a conversation. Life is real tough right now for a lot of people. We don't always know where to turn for help and support. I have found that my friends and my church are my support. But, of course, I go to God first and foremost for the help, love and support I need in all areas of my life. When I start to feel depressed or sad I remind myself that He is always there to listen. When I am happy and have good news I try to remember to thank Him. The hardest thing to remember is to thank Him for my blessings when I am depressed. Today has not been a happy day for me. I have talked to Him a lot today. I guess I must not be listening because I have not gotten an answer. But it will be in His time!